I remember ending 2016 tired and hopeless. 2016 was rough. The mistakes, doubt, and confusion were crushing me. I was directionless but knew I have to push myself to something for 2017 so I chose redemption as the word to keep me focused. When I picked that word I wasn’t expecting something grand, I just thought I’d do a couple of new things in my life. But I also just desperately needed God.
But as always, God has better plans than my own. I knew I wanted to make something out of my life instead of moping about what could’ve been. It was overwhelming because I didn’t know where to start so I kind of jumped. I tried to get myself plugged in somewhere and push past my comfort zone but I still didn’t feel like I was getting somewhere. At first, I thought God will help open doors and guide me somewhere but He did something different.
What did redemption for me look like?
At the end of 2016, I genuinely asked God to search my heart and rid me of everything. Mistakes, shame, guilt, resentment, you name it, I just wanted to feel free and focus on my walk. And that’s what He did. The start of 2017 dealt with a lot of me coming to terms (p.s. read my testimony here because this is how I got to writing it) with my past and apologizing to people I may have hurt and forgiving those who have hurt me. I had to accept stuff that happened to me and actually overcome them instead of avoiding it.
Man, it was hard. My pride took a hit and God humbled me down. Which in all honesty, was the best thing He could have done. I don’t easily open up about the truly tough issues in my life but I had to learn to face them because avoiding it was doing more harm than good.
To be honest, by summer I was feeling emotionally vulnerable and still confused on what God wanted me to do. It wasn’t until Zoe Conference when I actually felt God nudge me in a specific direction so I obeyed and life has changed a lot since then for the better.
So where does the story go now?
I’m happy. For the first time in a long time, I can say that and genuinely mean it. Things are not completely figured out but there’s joy in my heart and God’s plans in my life so it’s all okay. I’m also still a mess who messes up at times, but I can actually work from it instead of hiding. I still don’t feel like I have it all together but I’m in a better place spiritually that I feel at ease.
God turned things around in my life and I’m grateful He did. I would have never pictured where and how I am ending in 2017. Grateful doesn’t begin to cut it. God is good. Life is wild.
Did you have a word for 2017? How’d it go?