Hi God, it’s me,
These last few years have been a rollercoaster ride. Have they been all bad? No. But they haven’t been all good. From the highest of highs to the lowest of lows, I was shaped. I did a lot of growing up. I did a lot of letting go. And I did a lot of questioning.
Why? It’s probably the question You get all the time. It’s certainly the one you got most from me. Let me be honest, I honestly don’t know what Your plans are for me. I’m struggling feeling like I’m neither here or there. Doesn’t help that my mind is always wandering off, dreaming about what could be, instead of focusing on the now.
I made mistakes that cut deeper than I thought. I felt weak and inadequate to serve You, which affected my relationship with You. But You waited to pick up the pieces and You still see that somewhere inside, there’s something good. And maybe some of my hesitance stems from this. I know I’m not perfect because no one is. But I dwell on my flaws more than I should. It scares me to think that I am not the best representation of You. I know I need to be better and I need to set out to do better.
It’s crazy that despite the tears I’ve shed or the confusion in the wait, I always knew that I am glad that I live life knowing I have faith in You. Even when I see nothing happening, I know it’s better to trust You, than not. I know that You’re bigger than my worries. I know that You are forever good. I know that nothing in this temporary world matters more because one day I’ll be in heaven and there is nothing greater than that. Life will forever be better with You, so in You, I wait.